I read the letter you wrote when you got back from your grandma's house. It's ok that you feel sad about Aunt Helen's death. It wasn't your fault. Your Aunt loved you, think about the good times you have had with your Aunt. Be glad that you had that much time with her. There isn't anything you can do about her death. Everyone goes through the death of a loved one eventually. My grandpa died in my first year of high school, I used those good memories to get used to the fact that he died. Just keep holding on Charlie, your Aunt wouldn't want you to waste your life for her sake.